...Yo! Avis..?
Ok so (English follows...Cuz I made a few friends on Blogger who don't speak/write french),
Je suis entraint (<-- Comment y s'écris se maudit mot la!)...Entrain de créer une BD mais l'histoire est plutôt longue donc je l'écris en avance, style roman (En anglais). J'aimerais votre avis coté "Accrochage"! Je me fou des fautes et du coté phrase qui font du sens mais avec l'épilogue seulement, auriez-vous envis de savoir la suite? Laissez moi savoir.
*********
English..Duh!
I am currently working on a Web Cartoon (A bit manga style) but since my story is a lenghty one, I was wondering if you guys could read the Epilogue and tell me if your hook, semi hook or don't really care about what happens after. Let me know and thx!
Here you go! Hope you like:
The wind sweeps the past and the present fades away all around us. The rain washes the dirt, the sweat and blood but our sins remain for all to see. The clouds part like curtains opening on the world over the battlefield and what was the darkest place in the world fills with light from above. But it won’t consume us and so we live. Many died who whished to live but only few lived who whished to die. My kin are surrounding me now and asking the silent question they have ask every few centuries. I do not know what to answer them. We will face the sun and if the gods wish it, we will burn out of this world for now and ever. But we never do…
- Everdead -
Epilogue – Many years after the GodsWars
Leafs of every color were gliding down from the trees, dancing with each other. Like a grand ball with rich women’s gowns from all around the realms. Partners changed but the dance was always the same. Around and around they went until they reached the river. Then, they all became a grand armada of many battleships. Big and small, all sailed in the same direction, down river. The current was not strong but a few of the leaves sunk to the river bed. Ship wrecks to be forgotten forever in the blackness of their watery grave. And while the wind picked up and more of them left the safety of their trees. The sun came rising over the mountain range to the west. Some beams were going through small gaps where shorter trees did not reach yet. It looked like a thousand candles reflecting into a broken mirror. The light shone on the grass, on the trees, in the river and even went through and reached the river bed, illuminating the small shipwrecks. It also reached the valley where the armies of the South Kingdoms fought the North’s. The battle had been raging for 3 days now. Both sides bloodied but still fighting. The clang of swords and the whispers of the few remaining Arcanians could still be heard clearly. Even up on the eastside Tarn’Eth temple hill.
A beautiful song for a beautiful day the young man thought for a second. But he needed to focus and forgot all about the day’s weather and the battle bellow so he could return to the task at hand. Standing on the ledge of a huge ruined pillar 15ft up, both hands in front of him. His black leather surcoat and breeches were of the blackest black. Long knee high boots reflected the sun and a full brimmed hat with two long feathers on the right side covered his head but you could still see long black hair make their way to his shoulders. Closed mouthed, sweat trickling down his temple for he was concentrating. Eyes closed, the temporal forces heeded his commands. A spark. A pinkish purple spark ignited in front of him and a small swirling electrified flaming mass faced him. It was small at the beginning but growing taller and bigger fast. Opening his eyes, the pool of purple energy surrounded by bluish purple flames was reflected there. Like a giant storm transformed into a thousand hurricanes and tornadoes. Control was needed to create just one. To transform this huge maelstrom of chaos into one giant swirling mass of temporal power so he could finally leave this place. One giant controlled storm to leave his sins behind forever. Expending the amount of energy needed to keep control, he kneeled. Knowing very well that his legs wouldn’t keep him up much longer. The rough jagged parts of the long ago destroyed pillar grating his knees were barely registered by the pain receptors within his body. The flows are merging he realized. Focusing even harder on one single tornado, he made it swallow all the remaining storms. What was chaos now became order and a pool of electrified pink temporal tissue stood open. The gate was created. All that was needed now was to tie the knots and jump through. Working the invisible arcane wires in his mind, he reached for the unstable portions and quickly fixed them in place. It should hold. The strain of creation washed over him completely when he finally released, unconsciously, the arcane flow to get up. Creating small gates were nothing to him but a gate of this magnitude nearly drained him of all his control. He didn’t need to make it this big but why take any chances. Taking a few steps closer to the ledge a small smile made its way to his visage. It was joyful, nervous, wicked and evil. Turning around to look one last time at the world he was leaving behind he witness the two armies down in the valley charging each other another time. He slowly bowed to them. Without them, none of this would have been possible. “Time to leave this retch world” and turning around he saw coming through the gate a blue wall. A window. A frighten man behind the window. To late to move. “Aw crap!” Darkness.
End Epilogue
Je suis entraint (<-- Comment y s'écris se maudit mot la!)...Entrain de créer une BD mais l'histoire est plutôt longue donc je l'écris en avance, style roman (En anglais). J'aimerais votre avis coté "Accrochage"! Je me fou des fautes et du coté phrase qui font du sens mais avec l'épilogue seulement, auriez-vous envis de savoir la suite? Laissez moi savoir.
*********
English..Duh!
I am currently working on a Web Cartoon (A bit manga style) but since my story is a lenghty one, I was wondering if you guys could read the Epilogue and tell me if your hook, semi hook or don't really care about what happens after. Let me know and thx!
Here you go! Hope you like:
The wind sweeps the past and the present fades away all around us. The rain washes the dirt, the sweat and blood but our sins remain for all to see. The clouds part like curtains opening on the world over the battlefield and what was the darkest place in the world fills with light from above. But it won’t consume us and so we live. Many died who whished to live but only few lived who whished to die. My kin are surrounding me now and asking the silent question they have ask every few centuries. I do not know what to answer them. We will face the sun and if the gods wish it, we will burn out of this world for now and ever. But we never do…
- Everdead -
Epilogue – Many years after the GodsWars
Leafs of every color were gliding down from the trees, dancing with each other. Like a grand ball with rich women’s gowns from all around the realms. Partners changed but the dance was always the same. Around and around they went until they reached the river. Then, they all became a grand armada of many battleships. Big and small, all sailed in the same direction, down river. The current was not strong but a few of the leaves sunk to the river bed. Ship wrecks to be forgotten forever in the blackness of their watery grave. And while the wind picked up and more of them left the safety of their trees. The sun came rising over the mountain range to the west. Some beams were going through small gaps where shorter trees did not reach yet. It looked like a thousand candles reflecting into a broken mirror. The light shone on the grass, on the trees, in the river and even went through and reached the river bed, illuminating the small shipwrecks. It also reached the valley where the armies of the South Kingdoms fought the North’s. The battle had been raging for 3 days now. Both sides bloodied but still fighting. The clang of swords and the whispers of the few remaining Arcanians could still be heard clearly. Even up on the eastside Tarn’Eth temple hill.
A beautiful song for a beautiful day the young man thought for a second. But he needed to focus and forgot all about the day’s weather and the battle bellow so he could return to the task at hand. Standing on the ledge of a huge ruined pillar 15ft up, both hands in front of him. His black leather surcoat and breeches were of the blackest black. Long knee high boots reflected the sun and a full brimmed hat with two long feathers on the right side covered his head but you could still see long black hair make their way to his shoulders. Closed mouthed, sweat trickling down his temple for he was concentrating. Eyes closed, the temporal forces heeded his commands. A spark. A pinkish purple spark ignited in front of him and a small swirling electrified flaming mass faced him. It was small at the beginning but growing taller and bigger fast. Opening his eyes, the pool of purple energy surrounded by bluish purple flames was reflected there. Like a giant storm transformed into a thousand hurricanes and tornadoes. Control was needed to create just one. To transform this huge maelstrom of chaos into one giant swirling mass of temporal power so he could finally leave this place. One giant controlled storm to leave his sins behind forever. Expending the amount of energy needed to keep control, he kneeled. Knowing very well that his legs wouldn’t keep him up much longer. The rough jagged parts of the long ago destroyed pillar grating his knees were barely registered by the pain receptors within his body. The flows are merging he realized. Focusing even harder on one single tornado, he made it swallow all the remaining storms. What was chaos now became order and a pool of electrified pink temporal tissue stood open. The gate was created. All that was needed now was to tie the knots and jump through. Working the invisible arcane wires in his mind, he reached for the unstable portions and quickly fixed them in place. It should hold. The strain of creation washed over him completely when he finally released, unconsciously, the arcane flow to get up. Creating small gates were nothing to him but a gate of this magnitude nearly drained him of all his control. He didn’t need to make it this big but why take any chances. Taking a few steps closer to the ledge a small smile made its way to his visage. It was joyful, nervous, wicked and evil. Turning around to look one last time at the world he was leaving behind he witness the two armies down in the valley charging each other another time. He slowly bowed to them. Without them, none of this would have been possible. “Time to leave this retch world” and turning around he saw coming through the gate a blue wall. A window. A frighten man behind the window. To late to move. “Aw crap!” Darkness.
End Epilogue
posted by Mò Shēng Rén at 3:44 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home